So there I was, sitting cross-legged without you…
thinking that if only you would drive 6 hours to let me cry on your thin shoulder…
what I would give sometimes.
How can I feel so lonely with such an amazing friendship?
It often gets to be way too long between our phone conversations…
and our visits… well that is beginning to get ridiculous.
What happened to those nights when we would smoke cigarettes on your parents picnic table and watch stars fall?
Oh…
we grew up…
moved away…
and I quit smoking…
Do you blame me, I wonder.
I am sure although you would never admit it, you sometimes do.
I guess sometimes when we are arguing over something that we won’t even recall the next day…
I blame you a bit for not changing your life as quickly as I did.
But, I want you to remember, I was forced to make that unusual change.
It took all I had to admit to myself that I had to become someone else in order to be a mother.
I had to go from being very selfish in my everyday actions to being so absolutely selfless.
But I am still the same girl.
I still sleep with a baby pillow although my real baby is sleeping quietly down the hall.
I still love you.
I still need you to be my best friend.
So there I was, and that is what I was thinking…
Just thought you might want to know…
I love you,
Meghan
Originally written:
1-2-04